Dear Agony

Dear... Whoever.

Heres a little slice i like to call life.

Today, and the past few days, well more like, a little while (being within days/weeks) have been pretty stressing for me, i dunno who else to talk to or anything and its been quite some time since ive been on here. Things have been going pretty rough, and as the days go by, they feel shorter, but never seem to end, and as time passes i realize i have less and less around me to hold onto, as in, less and less things to keep me occupied, people to talk to and hang out. I dont have much besides my love and my friends, and the gettaway witch i would like to call work. Times like these have been kinda gettind me down to the point to where, i jus want the day to end so i can wake up the next day, or jus sleep the rest of my days off, but when i wake up the next day its more jus like a continuation, and the same thoughts and problems appear in my mind when i wake up.

Well thats the jist of things, now the problem, i jus kinda feel like me and my love have been bickaring too often over my disconent on some aspects of our relationship, i feel bad for always getting on her case for the same few things, but sometimes you jus cant help how you feel, and i dont want to be like before where i never said anything. I just dont like us to be in this mess of all the same issues, and the argueing, and seeing her cry, and me crying when no ones around, n haveing eachoters feelings hurt. I want things to be good, i just dunno how to go about things, idk if its me thats makeing things worse, or is it her, or both of us, but it dosent really matter whose fault it is anyways. But all this beings me the greatest feeling of unease ever, i kinda feel like im falling apart, im really worried too. I worry that she'll get tired of my shit, tired of being hurt, tired of the tears, tired of me, theres so much more than pain out there, and i dont want to drag her down, in other words, im kinda scared of looseing her. Sometimes i imagin what it would be lie if she were to leave n find sombody new, its heartacheing like lookin at one of our past incidents i will not explain in this blog. I miss summer, how everything was good, not too much to care about, the nice summer heat, and her company, all the time. Now its cold, and can no longer see, and i have to start wearing tones of layes like i useto when i useto go ride my bike every morning to see her sweet face.

My heats sunk deep into my chest, i feel horribe, and im waist deep in the shit, and i need to find a way out...

no just for me, but i gotta find the extra stregnth to pull her out too.

Its only tuesday and im exhausted, physcally, mentally, emotionally, and psycologically, wakeing up 6days ina row this week at 4:50am is takeing its tole, i gotta do the same next week too. I dont want to be down anymore but i feel lost and im falling apart, idk how im gunna get through this week

somteims i wish i could jus go, jus go, jus go out and foreget, but i cant, i cant something always stops me.

well i better hit the hay before i start to cry again.

P.S. - Never, ever watch scarry movies, im still paranoid from watching a haunting in conniticut with chris in kinlee days ago, and after that incident in the stockroom, i jus hate being alone.

Gnite, i hope tomo is a diffrent day.

<3