Sunday, July 19, 2009

Life.

Life

were all in it, we have to make the best of it... i cant see that sometimes... i hate the fact that im so negative sometimes, sometimes i wonder why im not like happy like everyone else, or maybe that somethings wrong with myself, like maybe i needs some depression meds or something.

i have a bad/funny feeling that later in life i might turn out to be a bad apple, and be a violent rapeist or soemthing. So i gotta remember the things i tell myself in my head.

I get this feeling when im around my girlie, like shes gunna do sooo much more, and be so much more, as in successful, its kinda weird, i know shes a smart girl, ive got high hopes for her, without a doubt she'll be smarter than me and do better at whatever it is she wants to do.

Funny how that funny feeling also makes me kick myself in the ass sometimes xD

ive been such a downer at times, i want to be happy like others i always feel like theres something seriously wrong with me cuase im not like them.

like im at a circus at night, even with all the light and fun around, your still surrounded by darkness.

i geuss sometimes i can be kinda moody, and other times like recently i have legitimit reasons for feeling the way i feel.

things may not always go my way... i may have not gotten the oppertunitys like my brother has... or get to do things when i want to, spend money on the things i want to, hang with friends like id like to or simple things like talk to the one i love like id like to.

but i should try not to dwell, i shoudl know better, i always kick myself in the ass for feeling certain ways or having certian feelings.

but things are good i just have to see that... i dont want to sit here not feeling a thing.

hopefully ill start working soon, so i can get some $ and save up for a car, or buy that book for emily or just be able to go out to eat with friends and not worrie about how much it costs.

i went to a body shop yesterday, it made me real excited and made me look foward to going to college for it, it looks like fun, get your own little work corner and tool chest, get to hang up your certificuts of compleation on the wall haha i want to start. and my brother since he got new tools he said i can take his old ones, and they are still new so im happy about that, im going to try and find all the tools.

Emmy said we should do a bad ass photoshoot together sometime, ive already plotted some ideas for it heh...i think it would be fun, i always enjoy haveing her around, just makes me feel so much better inside that im doing something right, and that i make someone happy, love is the second greatest feeling next to the girl you love (yur just better than love itself xD idk lol) Shes such a goodie goodie girl i dunno what id do without her at times.

although at times i feel like i dont matter, or im just a pain neuscence... i should probobly be slapped for thinking that.

i also feel like im missing the bigger picture, it shouldnt be about my picture, but more of her and the people shes associated with? idk

My dad broke out some old Travler d&d books, the game sounds real cool, i want mah buddehs to joint it lol i hope they can all come tomo. and ive been thinking about playing the addiction again, WoW, idk i dont have much $ i cant afford to waist it since i have to fix my car.


well its 1:32 i think im gunna try and get some sleep, im feelign a little better, ill kick myself in the ass in the morning for being so down and thinking the things i do, sorry if this offended anyone or anything.

Goodnight.

So much to say

but ohh so much writers block.


well this makes me feel a little better



Monday, July 6, 2009

Fly (ignore me! my writeing is full of shit)

theres alot of shit going down n its leading right between us

its a cold world when all you're showing me all dis ice

all ive been tryin to do was jus be nice

but ive had it with you and your mistakes

tired of gettin gunned down for all the times i try to help you fly

u just runnin by pushin me by like we don mean shit

but your da one whos fulla shit